OK so I missed a few...

Here's one for today:

First the worst
Second the best
Third the monkey in the vest
with the hairy chest.

And I am always third.

NaPoWriMo:another one

I've been away for a few days so I thought I'd write another one:

Someone once said to me:
'get stuffed'.
I said:
'I already have been'.
With plastic pellets
and all new polyester fibre.

The last one?

The monkey roared
again.
I'm bored
again.
And became all temperamental
when asked to write
another poem.
Will he ever write again?
Only the monkey knows.

This is really getting very silly.

NaPoWriMo Day 10

Playing out
in the sunshine.
The best kind of day.

Bored #9 NaPoWriMo

The monkey roared
I'm bored
of writing poetry.
And peeled a banana.

NaPoWriMo #8

I was in London today at the NPG
My feet are tired
and my eyes are red.
One more banana
and I'll be ready for my bed.
One thing though
before I go...
the NPG seems to be missing a portrait.
MINE.

NaPoWriMo #7: each set sold separately

#7. That means a whole week of poems. Here's one for today.

Today,
I have watched
(it seems) hundreds and thousands of TV ads for toys.
And I wonder,
how can anyone say:
'each set sold separately'
so fast?
You try:
'each set sold separately'
faster:
'each set shold separately'
not fast enough:
'each shet shold seprately'.
See what I mean?

NaPoWriMo #6

It's late
Can I find time
to make a rhyme?
I might.
Good night.

NaPoWriMo #5: the banana crisis

I read about the impending banana crisis today. I am concerned.

Banana plants, banana plants, please don't die
We've got to work together to fight the TR4 fungi
Don't give in
You have to win
Bananas
Forever.

NaPoWriMo #4

I often go to Asda on a Friday...

There's someone I see in the supermarket
who fascinates me.
She has peach poodle hair,
black, black eye make-up
and heavily mascara-ed lashes.
A beige pleated crimplene skirt swings high
above her stilettos,
and metal framed spectacles
perch on her powdered nose.
She smells of old fashioned perfume.
Cloying and acrid and powdery
it hits the back of your throat.
She's fab.
I call her the 'Poodle Woman'.

NaPoWriMo #3

Number 3. And getting worse.

A is for ape
B is for bananas
M is for muesli and
S is for sultanas

And that is exactly how I like my sultanas.
Picked fresh out of a pack of muesli.

NaPoWriMo #2

Here's number 2. Thought I better do two poems today to make up for having only started today and missed yesterday.

I am an ape known as Vince the Velvet Monkey
You can see from my photo that I'm actually quite funky
I tried writing my blog
Balancing on a log
But fell off 'cos my bottom's quite chunky.

NaPoWriMo 2014

I'm back. I have been inspired to write a poem a day for the whole of April. For National Poetry Writing Month. That's 30 poems. And I'm already a day late. I have a feeling my poems may be rather silly and may feature a lot of bananas, but hey, I'm a monkey.

First one for 1 April:

I may love bananas, but
Bananas do not love me
Because I EAT THEM!

Tumbling Monkey

OK, that's it, I'm off to Tumblr. Catch me at:

http://vincethevelvetmonkey.tumblr.com/

This blog stays right where it is though. For historical purposes.

Love
Vince

The Sartorialist

Guess what I got for Christmas?

And I have to say, I enjoyed reading it. He takes a great photo and he has a great sense of style. And he tells a good story. He seems to get to know some of his subjects really well and chats to most of them. My style of photography is slightly different as it involves imagining who the person could be. And I'd never dare speak to them as it would break the spell. Like this guy...

One other thing, Mr Sartorialist has lots of opportunities to swan around some of the world's most glamorous cities. Me, I'm stuck in Oxford. I need to get to London with my camera. Then who knows? My first book?

Where have I been?

Not to Morecambe. They went and they didn't take me. I have been doing some serious sulking. Luckily they took some photos. Next time...DON'T FORGET THE MONKEY!!

Maybe it's a good job I didn't go.

This is Eric Morecambe, Wayne* does not have a statue here yet.

* That's Wayne Hemingway, my favourite designer. Born in Morecambe.

Check out this classic Morecambe and Wise sketch.

My Christmas Tree

Shock horror. Yes I do have a job. And occasionally it does seem to include stop frame animation.

Me eating a banana

At last, I've starred in my first stop frame animation.

Story Time: Fats and the Helter Skelter

The last one. Hope they made you laugh. We had fun making them up.



One sunny day, Buttons, Fats and Harry decided to go to the playground. Their favourite playground – the one with the long, curly slide. They packed some snacks and drinks and set off. When they arrived they climbed to the top of the long, curly tube slide. It took a long time as there were a lot of steps…the top of the slide was nice and high. Harry went down first, then Buttons, then Fats. Buttons and Harry waited ages at the bottom of the slide but there was no sign of Fats. Buttons put his head in the slide and shouted ‘Fats! Fats!’ There was muffled reply ‘ I’m stuck’.

Fats sounded a bit upset so Buttons and Harry decided they should try and help him out. They climbed back up to the top of the slide and slid down again to try and push Fats out. It didn’t work. No matter how fast they slid down and bumped into Fats, he stayed stuck. ‘I’m hungry’ said Fats in his muffled voice. They decided that Fats should not have anything to eat in case he got more stuck.

It was getting late when Buttons suddenly had an idea. If they could make the slide really slippery then perhaps Fats would just slip out. Harry and Buttons remembered the butter in the sandwiches that they had brought with them. Butter makes things slippery. They took turns climbing into the slide and rubbing the butter all over the inside of the slide. When they had finished, they went back to the top and slid down really fast. They both crashed into Fats and he started to move until POP! They all tumbled out of the end of the slide and fell in a heap at the bottom. They laughed and laughed and then went home for a hot bath to wash off the sticky, slippery butter.

Story Time: Sweet Dreams

One night when Buttons went to bed he fell into a deep sleep more quickly than usual. Suddenly he woke up and sat bolt upright in bed. He’d been dreaming that there was a dummy knocking on his bedroom door and as it rushed into his bedroom (dummies can move in dreams) he woke up. Now he was awake, the dummy had gone but he could still hear a strange knocking at the door. Buttons was scared and pulled the duvet around him more closely.

The door opened and it was FATS. Fats told Buttons that he’d been dreaming about a dummy knocking on his bedroom door. ‘Strange’ said Buttons, that’s what I was dreaming about. They both snuggled under the duvet and were just beginning to feel cosy and safe when there was another knock at the door. Buttons and Fats clung tightly to each other.

The door opened. This time it was Harry. Harry began to tell them about his dream. ‘That’s exactly the same dream we had’ said Buttons and Fats together. Harry scrambled under the duvet and the three friends snuggled up together. But then, there was another knock at the door. Eeeeeeek. Who could it be this time?

The door was flung open and there was the dummy again moving towards them. Buttons yelled and sat up in bed wide awake. He threw his pillow at the door. But the dummy had gone and the pillow hit his dad on the head as he was coming in to check Buttons was OK. Harry and Fats has disappeared. Buttons pinched himself to make sure he really was awake (he was because the pinch hurt) then he told his dad all about the dream.